Senior Marriage Counseling Montrose CO

I Married You for Life - Not for Lunch

When you or your spouse start living the retirement life, you’re likely to hear this question: “How’s it going with (Bob/Susan) home all day?” The retiree-watchers are especially curious if one of you already worked at home, or if both of you are retiring at the same time and expect to spend a lot of time around the house. The question’s implication is clear: Your friends expect trouble in the vein of - “I married you for life, but not for lunch”.

You might not have had to face this question yet, but you might do well to think about it -before the day you move boxes of your personal stuff home from the office. Bottom line: when two independent people who are used to ruling their own domain move into one cage, 24/7, it is easy to predict: “Cloudy with a chance of flying fur.”

If you ask around among your friends you will probably hear all kinds of responses to this issue. Obviously in cases where one of the pair, usually the guy, plays a lot of golf or is active doing some onsite consulting or volunteer work, it won’t be a big issue. One common recommendation you might hear is that the new retiree should rent an outside office to give everyone some space and reduce tensions.

 Of course having two people around the house all day isn’t the only issue that couples have to work out in retirement. Other issues include finances and budgets, what to do with your newly acquired spare time, and if and where to move. These are not small issues, so we won’t try to tackle them here.

Some suggestions on surviving a spouse in the house:
Every couple’s situation is unique, and every pair has to work out their own solutions. Here are some of the ones we have encountered – please email us or find this topic in the “Discussion Forum” to post your own comments and suggestions.

Stake out different domains
Identify a place where the new retiree can call home, before he or she arrives. Whether it is a spare bedroom, alcove, or space in the garage or basement, pick a place that is quiet and as out of the way as possible. Volunteer to help creating a lived in space, with pictures on the wall and the right electrical, internet, and phone outlets and connections. If the spouse who already works from home has a home office, try to keep some space between the two. Separate spaces help prevent crowding and over-familiarity.

No enforced togetherness
If you have a routine that you are used to – lunch at 11:30 while you read the paper by yourself – stick to it. Discuss what kinds of privacy expectations you have – if you want to be alone all day so you can concentrate or just relax, make sure your spouse is aware of your preferences. If he or she thinks those requests happen to be unreasonable, discuss that too. The newly retired spouse should recog...

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